I know grief passes, but one can never predict how long the process takes. For some reason, lately I have been doing a lot of research about when events happened or when I did such and such project on the house. Not sure why, but it seems to occupy my time and fulfill some need for answers. The best way to do it is by looking at my old photos. My ongoing series OurHouse has documented the house and gardens over the years so I can pinpoint when a fence was built, or a garden was created, or something was painted. Kind of fun to see the changes. But as expected here and there pop up photos of Barney and it sets me off every time. And for some other odd reason I decided to see when I first posted to Facebook. I posted a lot when I first joined around 2010, but lately post very little. As expected, there were lots of photos of Barney and Barney and me and Barney and Carter. Each one made me pause; each one made me cry. When I reached the beginning of my posts, there was a photo of me and my mother, eating sushi at a restaurant in my hometown during a visit there. The photo gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling as I recalled that day. But I didn’t feel sad, even though she would pass away 2 years later. I suppose it gave me hope that sadness eventually goes away and warm and fuzzy remains.
