I went to see my doc this morning about pain in my legs. Bursitis maybe, nerve pain from too tight of a waistline due the 10 pounds I have gained in the past 2 months. Got some xrays and headed to PT next week and we go from there… that was the easy part of my visit. When she brought up the subject of how things at home are, I broke down and wept. I confessed to still feeling sad about the loss of Barney, feeling discouraged about my surgery recovery not progressing more quickly and the big 800 pound gorilla in the room that I am overwhelmed with care giver stress and feeling trapped, not knowing where to turn. I have always known these issues have been on my plate, but I just wanted to get my health in order so I could address grief and stress with a healthy mind and body. But instead, I have to slog my way through pain to honor my obligations. Getting healthy is still my number one priority, but I think perhaps I should begin to address the other issues as well. Find some counseling and look for other care giver options. It is just hard taking those first steps. And there are days I don’t want to care for Carter and have someone care for me and bring me chicken soup.
