Birthdays are weird. When I younger I used to wonder what I would be when I grew up. I spent much of my youth dazed and confused, even my time at Hunter/Miller. At a certain point I realized I was grown up and this was my life. The next phase was working on getting my act together. The pieces all seemed to be in place. Now make things work. I am not sure I knew what that meant, but every birthday said the clock was ticking and life was passing me by. The problem with my thinking was that I viewed my lack of success based on the perceived success of my peers. They all have their acts together, why don’t I? the clock was ticking… It was only when I let go of my faulty thinking and charted my own course that success followed. That was in my 40’s. That was a good decade for me. I was all grown up and finally knew what I wanted to be. But just as I felt in command of my craft, my skills, my knowledge of how things worked, things changed, and I suddenly began to feel old and a bit out of touch. The party ended too soon. And the clock began to tick for a different reason. Instead of counting up, it was counting down. There is something about the aging process that gives one a perspective on things. Perspectives that you wish you had known when you were younger. But of course it doesn’t work that way and we all have to learn things in our own way. At 72 I kind of just wonder about my life. Like how did I get here and other such rhetorical questions. But at least I am no longer wondering what I am going to be when I grow up. Glad I got over that.
